This is a beautiful piece, Kym. I love your honesty in processing what you’re learning.
My Dad was a cop for 20 years and two things that have stayed with me: he’s big on going to the funeral because it matters to the person. No one wants to invite others to the funeral. It’s important to show up. And the other was is always very direct asking people how they were really going with grief or death or a hard situation.
I used to worry horribly that I’d say the wrong thing, but I’ve learned that in the end there is nothing good you can say. Nothing can make it better. I think just acknowledging that it happened and saying sorry it happened to you is one of those things that is so simple that it’s stupid, but it matters. 💛
Such good words Bec! It's so much better to just ask honest questions that show care than to ignore the elephant in the room. And you're so right - nothing I say will fix things, but it can show love and support and that's so important!
Hey Kym, I'm so sorry for your losses. The passing of G was one of those shocks that leaves you breathless, wondering if things are quite real. I believe grief can be one of life's greatest teachers, and your brush with it will only equip you for the next encounter. If I have learned anything (and perhaps I've been unfortunate enough to have learned rather a lot) it's that:
- never be afraid to look someone in the eye and say sorry. You don't need to have more words than that.
- don't be surprised or offended if someone isn't receptive to your care. It's nothing to do with you or your approach. Continue to reach out.
- don't worry about the span of time it's taken for you to reach out. After a death and burial, there is often closure for many except the person suffering the most or most intimately connected. It's those dark, lonely days where encouragement is needed most.
- grief looks different for everyone, and there is no one right way to grieve.
Hmm, seems like there's a lot more I could say and perhaps I should write! Thanks for sharing this - it's tough to navigate these situations.
Aimee, thanks so so much for sharing this! You have had much more experience with grief than me and I've already learnt much about grief from you when you write about your dad. And yes, what a good way to describe Gs death - leaving you breathless. Here one day and then gone, just like that.
You're points are so helpful! I think my problem with overthinking is being too absorbed in how something might make me look and not enough thinking of the other. Self consciousness can be so selfish, can't it? I will definitely be pondering and learning from your words here 💛
I am so sorry, Kym. Both of these women sound so special. I love how your Oma could still enjoy your little ones even if she couldn't remember you all.
I really appreciate you sharing this. I also tend to overthink how I can love people who are grieving, and (to my shame) often end up doing nothing. I would like to change that.
Yes I hear you there! I have to tell myself that doing something slightly awkward is better than doing nothing at all, especially when done with a genuine heart of love!
This is a beautiful piece, Kym. I love your honesty in processing what you’re learning.
My Dad was a cop for 20 years and two things that have stayed with me: he’s big on going to the funeral because it matters to the person. No one wants to invite others to the funeral. It’s important to show up. And the other was is always very direct asking people how they were really going with grief or death or a hard situation.
I used to worry horribly that I’d say the wrong thing, but I’ve learned that in the end there is nothing good you can say. Nothing can make it better. I think just acknowledging that it happened and saying sorry it happened to you is one of those things that is so simple that it’s stupid, but it matters. 💛
Such good words Bec! It's so much better to just ask honest questions that show care than to ignore the elephant in the room. And you're so right - nothing I say will fix things, but it can show love and support and that's so important!
Hey Kym, I'm so sorry for your losses. The passing of G was one of those shocks that leaves you breathless, wondering if things are quite real. I believe grief can be one of life's greatest teachers, and your brush with it will only equip you for the next encounter. If I have learned anything (and perhaps I've been unfortunate enough to have learned rather a lot) it's that:
- never be afraid to look someone in the eye and say sorry. You don't need to have more words than that.
- don't be surprised or offended if someone isn't receptive to your care. It's nothing to do with you or your approach. Continue to reach out.
- don't worry about the span of time it's taken for you to reach out. After a death and burial, there is often closure for many except the person suffering the most or most intimately connected. It's those dark, lonely days where encouragement is needed most.
- grief looks different for everyone, and there is no one right way to grieve.
Hmm, seems like there's a lot more I could say and perhaps I should write! Thanks for sharing this - it's tough to navigate these situations.
Aimee, thanks so so much for sharing this! You have had much more experience with grief than me and I've already learnt much about grief from you when you write about your dad. And yes, what a good way to describe Gs death - leaving you breathless. Here one day and then gone, just like that.
You're points are so helpful! I think my problem with overthinking is being too absorbed in how something might make me look and not enough thinking of the other. Self consciousness can be so selfish, can't it? I will definitely be pondering and learning from your words here 💛
Maybe you should write a “things I know” post. I’d be keen to read it 🙌🏼
Thanks for sharing such an important life lesson through honest story. I’m sorry for the loss of two special women in your life.
Thank you for reading Heidi! 💛 Life lessons are everywhere, aren't they? And I do love stopping to reflect on what God is teaching me.
I'm sorry for your losses, Kym. Thanks for sharing your honest thoughts here.
Thank you Stacy! It's amazing how this kind of writing just flowed out of my fingers.
I am so sorry, Kym. Both of these women sound so special. I love how your Oma could still enjoy your little ones even if she couldn't remember you all.
I really appreciate you sharing this. I also tend to overthink how I can love people who are grieving, and (to my shame) often end up doing nothing. I would like to change that.
Yes I hear you there! I have to tell myself that doing something slightly awkward is better than doing nothing at all, especially when done with a genuine heart of love!
Sorry for your losses…
Thank you!