What I learnt in September

Learning new things in all sorts of circumstances

This past month two women in my life passed away.

The first was a sudden shock. She was a middle aged, single woman in my church and Bible study. Her wisdom and godliness made her well-loved by all who knew her, highly respected by her students in the local Christian school and treasured by her family. When she spoke in Bible Study, we all soaked up her words. Her love for God was evident in the way she spoke and in her love of music, especially psalms and hymns. When I close my eyes, I can picture her in Bible Study: the sparkle in her eyes and the way she would sit and emphasize her words with her hands.

I wasn’t that close to her but her death still shocked me. It genuinely made me sad, leaving me in silent tears if I thought about her absence too long. This was the first time that I’d really felt affected by someone’s death. And I felt so deeply for her family who have already been through so much grief from other losses and sufferings. How do people go on? But there was also so much peace and comfort that this woman was where she had longer to be as a child of God, with her Heavenly Father.

I know a lot of her family, many of whom are in my church. But, I am a bit ashamed to admit, I have not reached out to them as much as I’d like to. I’ve sent some text messages and given a couple of cards, but that’s about it. One niece is a fellow Kindy mum, who I see every second day at school. Other than some brief words regarding the funeral, I have not spoken with her to share my love and encouragement. Every time I see her I think, should I say something now? She looks like she just wants to go to her car. Do I have time to say something meaningful? What if she doesn’t want to talk about it? What if I say the wrong thing? I overthink as we pass each other and all I end up doing is giving her a brief smile. I also have more cards waiting to be written to other family members and sent in the mail. They’ve been sitting with my diary now for three weeks.

The second death was my husband's grandmother. We called her Oma and our children called her Omama. She had been going downhill in her health since her 95th birthday in August and died peacefully in the aged care home, one of her daughters by her side. Oma had lived a full, long, healthy life. She was a gentle and kind woman who simply enjoyed spending time with her family. When we would visit, she couldn't remember who we were anymore, but she loved watching the kids play. On our last visit she took such delight in our 9 month old son. We felt some sadness for the loss, but mostly relief for her that she had finally finished her earthly suffering and was in heaven with God.

The Sunday after she passed away, many people came up to me at church, shook my hand or gave me a hug, and passed on their condolences. Some said just a few words, others took the time to talk about her, or share a memory. We received cards in the mail from others. One woman gave me a huge bouquet of flowers from her own garden!

This outpouring of love from others towards our family taught me some things. I learnt that it is not hard to pass on condolences or encouragement when someone is grieving or suffering. It really isn't. There are simple words one can say, especially when said genuinely. I shouldn't overthink saying it. I’ve also learnt that it’s the little thoughtful things that make all the difference: flowers, cards in the mail, kind words, a handshake or hug. We shouldn't hold back from doing those little things. If we think of it, we should just do it. We just don't know what it might mean to someone or how it might show someone the kindness of God through us.

We’ve had two weeks of holidays from school. When I see that niece again, I’m going to use my first opportunity to check in with her, hand her a card in person and pass on my condolences. I’m going to finish writing those cards and send them in the mail. And I’m going to stop overthinking and worrying about saying or doing the wrong thing. I'm going to start loving from the heart.

I'd love to know, what have you learnt this past month? And I'd love to learn from you, what do you say or do to reach out to those who are grieving?

Thanks for reading! I pray this is an encouragement to you.